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Author Topic: tmoneymonsta rambles on  (Read 3000 times)
tmoneymonsta
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« on: January 29, 2011, 09:47:31 PM »

Well, I finally put a some thoughts together about this and wanted to add my two cents.  So this will be my dumping ground if you will.  I've been reading some of the other's story ideas and some are great.  If this isn't up too par, I would also certainly love to maybe help right quests and dialogue. 

Setting:  A small village on  the border of Norway and Sweden, approximately 250 miles north of old Oslo.  PC lives with around 25-35 others in a small hunting village.  Most of the citizens are in their 30s or 40s, and remember the Pre-War world that catered to their every need.  PC is a little younger than this, being 7-9 years old when the war started.  The name of the village is Sonsjer and is nestled against a hill near a small growth of trees.  This small grove provides for the settlement in helping construct homes and for firewood.  Small groups of men venture out to kill the ever-dwindling population of animals in the area. 

(Just a note: all the dialogue can be greatly expanded on, of course)

Opening:  Our PC wakes to his bunkmate, Alvin, telling him that a meeting is occurring in the commons.  The winter has already begun in earnest.  Snow and ice already cover the buildings.  Shuffling outside into a bleak landscape, the PC walks to the center of the village where the elders are waiting.   A brief respite in the weather allows the elder to begin.

"Everyone, we have worked together all these years to keep Sonsjer safe and secure.  We have stayed alive all this time and I promise you we will continue.  You all have noticed the change around us.  Things are getting worse and we must put together a plan of action.  I and the other two elders have decided that we must move south to save ourselves.  We won't survive another winter like this."

A commotion runs through the crowd.  Another elder speaks, "I want you all to return to your homes and make your choice about what you would like to do."  The third elder beckons the PC.

Walking over to him.  He will tell you that traders have passed rumors that larger population centers have been preparing for terrible winters for awhile.  Like they know something is happening.  At this point, the elder will tell the PC he must scout ahead for the group.  He will need supplies for his journey, a weapon, and clothing.  This would be a good area for starter quests to gather things, kill things, maybe trade with another NPC.   

Also, I think that it would be a better idea to reveal the PC's history to the player over time and not all at once.  This would provide additional quests maybe seeking out a lost loved one(if it is possible any survived), or maybe a dark secret of PC's past.  This could begin at the starter area or at a later site. 

My overall idea is for PC to proceed from Sonsjer to find a better place for his people.  He quickly finds out that the world is falling apart and there are several forces that can be used for or against the PC.  I like the idea of ideological groups based on religion or militaristic goals involved in the character's story.  I'll chime back in with a little more flesh to this later on.  Please tear this apart if it sucks.   Grin
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BobBobson
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« Reply #1 on: January 31, 2011, 10:14:03 AM »

Just to comment as an interested writer myself, so obviously I have absolutely no pedestal from which to sagely gaze down at you while offering constructive criticism...

What you have there is fine; the detail you've gone into about Sonsjer, etc., is great. Where it comes apart a little, I think, is on the plot opener, which is pretty vague in parts (who's Alvin? Will he be accompanying the PC? What are the elders' motives in sending the PC in particular? And as the family history/secret that you hint at would be fairly key to the tone of the whole thing, you'd probably want to expand on that straight away, rather than leaving it blank for later. How do we make Sonsjer feel...less generic, as it were?)

And also - and I do appreciate this is just the first page of your scrapbook, so this is just for future additions - so many of us scribblers have left our ideas lying around here now that it might be quite nice if you could try and pin down what makes *this* take different. How will the pilgrimage to find a new settling-place work - why is the PC being made the 'chosen one' to set out and head south, when hand-picking an expedition of several people would be more logical? How might you deal with the possibility that not every PC may care about their starting village enough to want to spend the entire plot trying to save it? Will the game end when they return with news of the settling-place, or will there be some Watership Down-esque climaxes as the entire village returns there and has to drive away the locals? Could there be more than one settling-place, allowing for an open-ended, er, ending? Just the meat-and-potatoes of the plot, really.


Hope that's helpful, hoping to see more stuff from you!
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laclongquan
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« Reply #2 on: January 31, 2011, 12:43:02 PM »

NITPICK: why would people gather in an open place in winter? Why not a big house (longhouse, town hall)? It's warm and if it's stuffy and crowded then it's just more warmth to the place.
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